Handling Others

Handling Others

MANAGING EMOTIONS Handling Others People's behavior occurs for a purpose. They are looking for ways to belong, feel significant, and self-protect. Wh...

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MANAGING EMOTIONS

Handling Others People's behavior occurs for a purpose. They are looking for ways to belong, feel significant, and self-protect. When people perceive a threat for their self-esteem, a downward spiral can begin. People can be led into obstructive behaviors in the faulty belief that this will gain them a place of belonging and significance. How we respond to their difficult behaviors can determine how entrenched these become. The secret is to break out of the spiral by supporting their real needs without supporting their destructive faulty beliefs, and alienating patterns of reaction. Difficult Behavior (and the Faulty Belief Behind It)

The Downward Spiral

Better Alternatives

Seeking Attention

You feel annoyed and

Avoid undue attention. Give

("I only belong when I

react by coaxing. They

attention for positive behavior

am being noticed."),

stop briefly, and then

especially when they are not

resume behavior and

making a bid for it. Support their

demands, perhaps in a

real contribution and

new way.

involvement.

Power Plays

You feel provoked or

Disengage from the struggle.

("I only belong when I

threatened and react

Help them to use power

am in control, when

by fighting or giving in.

constructively by enlisting co-

no-one can boss

Their aggression is

operation. Support their self-

me!"),

intensified or they

worth and autonomy.

comply defiantly. Seeking Revenge

You feel hurt by them,

Convince them that you respect

("I am significant only

and retaliate. They

their needs. Build trusting

Source: http://www.crnhq.org/windskill6.html

MANAGING EMOTIONS

if I make others feel

seek further revenge

relationships. Support their need

hurt like I do.")

more strongly or with

for justice and fairness.

another weapon. Appear Inadequate

You give up,

Encourage any positive attempt,

("I won't be hurt any

overwhelmed. They

no matter how small. Focus on

more, only if I can

respond passively,

assets. Provide bit-sized learning

convince others not

show no improvement,

experiences they can succeed at.

to expect much from

and stay "victim".

Support how they feel as a

me.")

starting place for selfimprovement.

Source: http://www.crnhq.org/windskill6.html