The Queen Fairy And The Darkness (A sort-of children's story that's not even remotely for kids) By Ira Gamerman
Ira Gamerman 1861 Menahan Street APT 2R Ridgewood, NY 11385 410-812-9868 [email protected]
Copyright 2012. All rights reserved. All wrongs reversed.
CHARACTERS: 1F, 2M MS. FAIRY- F, 26
An actress in a children’s show.
CHILD IN AUDIENCE- M, 3
An irrational child.
FATHER IN AUDIENCE- M, late 30s
The high strung father of Child in audience.
SETTING The audience of a children’s theater with very bad lighting equipment. Now. NOTE ON CASTING: This play exists in a somewhat stylized world, so there is no need to cast actors who are the literal ages of the characters. In fact, casting a 20-something actor who could play a 3 year old boy would be the choice that best serves the play.
Sudden TOTAL Black out. Pitch Dark. No lights. MS. FAIRY Oh no! The lights have all gone out! What are we ever to do? MS. FAIRY produces a tiny flashlight. She clicks it on. It emits a tiny light. It is her “little fairy.” MS. FAIRY holds the flashlight up to her ear. MS. FAIRY What’s that little fairy? (she listens to the flashlight) OH NO! Little fairy says the lights are out because the QUEEN fairyMOTHER of ALL THE FAIRIESis FADING AWAY because YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN her!!!! There’s only one way to save her. You need to think, “I DO BELIEVE IN FAIRIES” and clap your hands TOGETHER. CLAP WITH ME NOW. Ms. Fairy clap.
encourages the audience to
MS. FAIRY Clap, Clap, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, WAIT! I THINK I SEE SOMETHING FLICKERING. IT’S Only A LITTLE LIGHT. THAT MEANS you’ve gotta CLAP HARDER! The audience claps harder hopefully. MS. FAIRY That’s GOOD! THE LIGHT’S GETTING A LITTLE STRONGER NOW. CLAP CLAP CLAP STOP! THAT’S IT! WE DID IT! (beat. Still pitch dark) WE DID IT! (beat. Still pitch dark) WE- Um. let’s uh- KEEP CLAPPING! The audience claps, hopefully. MS. FAIRY YEAH! YES! YEAH! Ya know I think I see a little- It’s very hard to see. But just KEEP believing. CLAP, CLAP, CLAP.
I know... it doesn’t LOOK like much, but I’m- I definitely think I see a light... SOMEWHERE. Okay. You can stop. Let’s maybe rethink umMAYBE the light is IN YOUR HEARTS and if you keep like an INTERNAL mental sort of... light on, then like, ya know, everything’ll be cool andVOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE DADDY THE QUEEN IS DYING. MS. FAIRY NO! NO! The QUEEN IS NOT DYING. WAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE CHILD starts crying.
MS. FAIRY She’s NOT dying! It’s just the LIGHTING equipment here in FAIRY-land was made by... Pirates, and can lose it’s MAGIC at REALLY INOPPORTUNE TIMES. SHE’s DEAD, DAD. SHE’s
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE DEAD. (Starts crying).
MS. FAIRY It’s no. REALLY. PLEASE don’t cry. VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE I’m sorry. Are the lights gonna come on soon? MS. FAIRY Sir, I am SO sorry about this. VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE I mean, I paid a lotta money for this show. MS. FAIRY I assure you that the MAGIC Fairy light-booth elves are using all of the fairy dust they can to handle the situation. The child cries louder. VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Ya know that’s not REALLY gonna do it for me. VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE I WANT MOM. I WANT MOM NOW.
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Son, I told you Mommy is away. VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE BUT WHEN WILL SHE BE BACK? VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE I told you, you’ll see her again when you are a VERY old man. HOW OLD?
Older than grandma. BUT I WANT HER NOW!
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE I’m sorry. Could I get a little HELP here? Please! I’m just an actre-
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Well, here’s the situation, Ms. Fairy. His mother is away, ya see. ON A VACATION. A very BIG, Very LONG, very EXTENDED vacation. VERY fun. Exceptionally fun. With Lots of LIGHT everywhere and uh.... FLYING. IN the SKY. VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE There’s a cure for her allergies there. VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Yes! Exactly! That’s right. When you see your mom next there’ll be no more coughing up rose petals all over the bed. She’ll be TOTALLY CURED of her... allergies. Isn’t that right Ms. Fairy? I don’t uh-
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE In fact, you’ve seen her, haven’t you?
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE You’ve seen my mom Miss Fairy? Uh-
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE She sure has. And She’s looking better every day isn’t she? I-
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE And she misses WALLY here VERY much, right? Yes. She does.
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE Well, why doesn’t she come back? MS. FAIRY Um. ELVES how is that magic light-board coming? VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE You’re not gonna answer my son? MS. FAIRY Sir, I know I’m just a fairy by trade, but I think ALL THIS might kinda be YOUR responsibility to explain to Wally. Explain what, Daddy?
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Nothing honey. There’s nothing TO explain! Because you see, the DOCTOR thinks that there might be a strong possibility of S- U- I- C- I- D-E if MMMMMM (referring to the son) doesn’t take things well. How old is your son? I’m 3!
MS. FAIRY VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE
MS. FAIRY Nothing personal, sir. Again I’m just a lowly fairy, but I don’t understand how a Doctor could SAY something like that.
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Well, the man has a PHD. Do you have a PHD? VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE Dad, What’s “S-U-I-C-I-D-E if mmmmmmm”? VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE It’s one of the cures for allergies that your MOM tried. MS. FAIRY Sir, I think you need to tell MMM, what’s going on. VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Well, see, THAT’S why I took him to this PLAY, so that I could have a JUMPING OFF POINT to GET INTO A POTENTIAL DISCUSSION AFTER THE SHOW. And I’m PAYING You to tell a story to FACILITATE THAT, but there SEEMS to be NO story. MS. FAIRY Well- the lighting ELVES aren’t exactly doing their MOTHERF...fff-ferrying job. SoVOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE So then just make something up. MS. FAIRY Why can’t YOU make something up? VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAIRY OKAY? I’M NOT EXACTLY GREAT at EXPRESSING my EMOTIONS like all the FAIRIES here in, in, in, FAIRYLand, with THE FAIRIES okay? So PLEASE just DO SOMETHING like I’m PAYING YOU to do. Sir, I’m not-
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE You want more money? Is that it? Fine. Okay. I’ll give your little elves money for a new light- whatever? I’ll fund it, Okay? Does that work? MS. FAIRY There are witnesses here that heard you say that.
VOICE OF A FATHER IN AUDIENCE Then make with the story, NOW, please. STORY! STORY! STORY!
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE
MS. FAIRY Okay. Well uh- this a story just for Wally. MS. Fairy Hands Wally The Flashlight. YAAAAAAY.
VOICE OF A CHILD IN AUDIENCE WALLY shines the flashlight at Ms. Fairy.
MS. FAIRY It’s the story of- called... the LIGHT and the DARKNESS. So, once upon a time there was this... girl and her name was... LIGHT. And on the day she was born, she was visited by a scary man, named Darkness. And Darkness wished her good luck on being born. But said that one day- Maybe very far from now, but who knowsthat Darkness would come back and turn off light forever. But Light was young and didn’t pay this very much mind and went on with her life. And when she grew up, She got a good job that gave her lots of money and let her tell fun stories to children. And she had a handsome husband who loved her very much. And together they had a beautiful son. And not too long after her son was born, Darkness paid her another visit. “Why are you here?” She asked. “I’m here to turn you off” Said Darkness. “But I have a job and money.” She said. “That doesn’t matter.” Said Darkness. “Well, who will tell fun stories to children?” she said. “That doesn’t mater.” Said Darkness. “But what of my husband? He’ll get lonely without me.” “That doesn’t matter.” Said Darkness. “I’m here to turn you off.” But Light PLEADED “What of my son? I won’t get to see him grow up and have a family of his own, or get a job, or tell stories if you turn me off.” “No,” Darkness said. “You won’t.” Wally clicks the flashlight off, suddenly. Total Darkness. End.